36 years ago today my life changed dramatically. The soul who I had developed a life contract with left this world accidentally by his own hand.  This was not our plan.  I remember the feeling of despair and abandonment my soul felt when I heard about his death. 

There is always an alternate plan in place, because life is if nothing else unpredictable, shit happens. But my alternate plan was a shambles and I wandered this world looking for someone who no longer existed in physical form. 

When I was in my early thirties he came to me in a dream and I awoke crying hot tears of the grief that had lain dormant for over 15 years.  He began to visit me almost nightly in my dreams, encouraging me and loving me from the astral plane.  I had things to do in this life; he didn’t want me to make the mistake of not doing what I signed up for because I felt lost.

I finally went to nursing school and started my career in hospice, helping the dying to open their souls and realign with themselves prior to their departure, offering comfort to those left behind, because I truly knew what that felt like. This was part of my plan. This is what I had signed up for. This would have happened even if he had stayed. Dancing at death’s door has brought me comfort, helped ease the longing, helped make sense out of the mess my life had become. Helps me cope.

In my mind’s eye I see his face, I hear his voice, he only wants me to smile.  I tell him it is much easier for him, he is in God’s country where things make more sense.  He laughs at me, he loves me, and I him, always.  Because the bonds of love are never broken no matter how far I wander.