In a little over a month I have written the first draft of my next novel.  Mind you I was for the most part working full time. I was somewhat astounded by this, how does this happen? Well when you sit on an idea for well over two years because you know you must write it, but you are afraid of the darkness of your own thoughts it steeps like a fine black tea and then bam, it is so strong that when you begin to write it just flows.

During this time I had a lot of tangible signs from the spirit realm I was on the right track, first I had the baby blue bird appear on my front lawn….my main character is named Blue.

Another time I was watching leftover hockey- yes, I watch reruns, it’s an addiction akin to chocolate, and a commercial came on, it was for tires, this woman is driving with all these symbols revolving around her head and, I kid you not, the voiceover says, “Phyllis is not thinking about buying tires, but whatever she is thinking we know it’s important”. Okay- what are the odds? Slim to none…. for certain.

The beginning of the story is dark, very dark, and difficult to read, but when it comes out the other side, yes there is a happy ending, because there just has to be.  I still believe in happy endings, minus the frog, the kiss, the prince and the princess of course.

Ultimately this is a story about forgiveness, the true meaning of it all. How it is a gift we give ourselves, how it doesn’t absolve, erase or diminish the past experience, but it releases the pain associated with the memory, thus setting us free. It is a difficult concept to embrace, and we often confuse it with absolution.  Forgiveness has really nothing to do with another person; it is a gift of self love, a cleansing of our soul.

Much of the wisdom of forgiveness is not something I have mastered, and indeed struggle with.  When I write, it becomes an exploration of my own heart, through my various characters.  It is very personal in a fictional sort of way. But it is something I have experienced recently, a small gift I gave myself, a release of angst buried deep, and my heart is lighter for it.

We all deserve forgiveness; it is gift we should give ourselves often.