Epilepsy reared its ugly head in a way I would never have imagined changing my son’s world and mine as well. Navigating this unknown world trying to return to a place of healing has been his mission for the past 24 days; he has made baby steps, literally and figuratively. The road is a long one, longer still as we navigate a new facet of his illness; apparently epilepsy takes on many forms.
When he first became ill over five years ago I stood in front of the pedi-icu door and prayed asking God if he was going to take my son, because it was indeed a real possibility. I heard a voice speak, not exactly inside my head or outside my head, but it was distinct in nature. “No, it is just something he has to go through,” were the words conveyed to me. I drew great strength from those words in that moment, confident that he would one day be whole again. That day is not today.
Over the past three weeks I have prayed and asked for prayers from others as I feel what he is now enduring is something I cannot fix, I can only bear witness to, loving him and encouraging him, but I cannot walk his walk. I have always walked a long side him but I realize that this too is not enough. I cannot take away his pain as much as I would like to, I can only offer him my love. Often in his room I see orbs of blue and green, Angels and spirits surround him, but it is not something I can openly speak of, the medical community is not ready for those visions. But I know he is never alone and divinely cared for.
This morning sky is lavender as she approaches another day. The sky would look grey and lifeless without the pink hues of the awakening sun, pink the color of compassion, love and most importantly hope. Hope colors my world without her I would be lost.