4am thunder storms awaken me; or rather the anxiety of my dog during the storm awakens me. The sky rumbles and sparkles and the rains nourish my now crunchy lawn. It has been a hot summer already…. I check my phone and I have missed a text in the midst of my slumber…. Someone I love, someone who is far away in a different time zone reached out to me….and I was in the land of Nod. Disappointed I did not hear it, I text back with no results, hoping against hope he is sleeping….
I know his struggles….my heart feels them, as a mother’s love only can. He is an adult, he makes his own choices, I can no longer decide for him, I can only walk beside him, and only if he reaches out to me. Addiction is a disease of mind body and spirit; it is one that has flavored my entire life. My father was an alcoholic and it has been passed down the genetic stream. It is somehow so familiar at first I did not recognize it in my loved one; it was common place, a way of life.
There have been huge challenges in the past two years, significant events that threw everything off balance, but now we move forward, finding joy and gratitude in each day for the small miracles that remain. A new Light has emerged, one I was hoping would guide him back to himself but it is a long arduous path, and at times life continues to trip him up.
When he was a baby I worried as any parent does, staring down at him in the crib in the middle of the night, is he still breathing? I heard a distinct voice, outside of my own thoughts but not exactly in the room either, the voice told me “Do not worry; he will be with you for a long time!” This has brought me great comfort over the years, and while I try not to worry, I confess I do. This is when I pray, I ask that Archangel Michael with his Divine sword, protects him and guides him. I trust that the Divine source will always watch over all of my loved ones, near and far. And I will carry him in my heart until he can carry himself again, for after the storm there is always a new day.