Once the door of grief is opened in your heart it never truly closes and with each new loss it reawakens the old dormant song of goodbye. The heart only knows love and it does not matter the object of the affection –human or beast- the heart feels the brokenness .
She was indifferent most of her life, although she had moments when she clearly communicated her affection and devotion to others, especially our dog Ruby. Fay the tortoise shell beauty loved her dog as a mother loves her child. When Ruby was in her final days unable to move it was Fay who curled up next to her head and purred offering comfort, love and peace to her last moments. She kissed her nose goodbye, it was beyond sweet.
Cats often go off to die alone, but Fay requested our presence, so we stood vigil as her breathe changed, as she fought her way to the edge of the rainbow bridge. I promised her the Ruby would be there to escort her, her spiritual furry friend would guide her across the bridge into the world of eternal love and endless catnip.
I sense the change of energy in the house, and even the greater world. Just now as I write this a blue jay noisily roots through one of my potted plants on the deck, with no feline on guard he pecks freely.
I deal with loss on almost a daily basis; mostly I see it through compassionate eyes as it is not mine. But this week my heart has been broken open again, grief has come back for a visit, it brings with it the remnants of all other losses yet to be let go, it reminds me that my human heart is tender beyond belief and this is the flip side of deep love. Grief is only a testament of love. I know that our souls move on -that energy is never lost it only changes form-that the bonds of love cannot be broken-I know these things, but my heart needs time to heal. The tears need to flow and wash my soul. There is no shame in grief, there is only love.