Falling asleep after a particularly challenging day at work my mind swirls around my hospice patients and the day’s events…I wonder if there is more I could have done to alleviate the suffering…it is not physical or emotional suffering that I see, these I can address on some level, it is spiritual pain. This is a very personal pain, there are no drugs for this type of pain.
I drift into the land of dreams and find myself in an old house. There are numerous guitars lying around, I go on the hunt to find one I want to play. Out of nowhere David Bowie appears, this seems almost natural to the course of the dream. Since the age of 8 when I went to my first concert I have been in love with the guitar, never able to master much past a few basic chords, I am sure my impatience has something to do it. David Bowie picks out a guitar for me, and then proceeds to give me a lesson, it is a Bach piece. I watch as his fingers display the correct pattern and yet I refuse the lesson stating it isn’t the right way. I want more, I want the sound of music I always hear, not this linear elementary offering. He smiles at me and states “This is the way we begin…”
He then walks to the front of the building which is now a guitar shop, picks one that he fancies and plays a lovely ballad I have never heard in this life, and yet I know he has written it. The owners are floored, they can’t believe David Bowie is in their store, isn’t he dead? I smile at their astonishment, perhaps he is no longer physical, but he is surely alive in the land of spirit and here in my dream.
Upon waking I remember bits and pieces trying to figure out why David Bowie would walk into my dream, as surely, he had. I am a radio fan and admired him for his graceful exit from this world. So, I lie in bed thinking what was the message? And it instantly occurs to me: I didn’t like the way the lesson was taught- I wanted to hear something else more complex and beautiful, denying the beauty of the simplicity of the music I was given. The simple but difficult lesson that I couldn’t even master- and I wanted to fast forward to the harder more complex ones….in the world of spirit lessons are stepping stones up the vast sea of vibration, you cannot skip ahead.
So, the lesson translates to my world of hospice: My patient who is dying is my age, she has had 10 years to prepare for her transition, I have had 6 weeks. I struggle to watch her learn the last few lessons she has chosen before leaving this world, I want to make everything okay even though she is dying, I cannot. My lessons are simple, Trust the Divine and Be Present. Her lesson is to Trust the Divine and to Let Go. In my head I can hear David Bowie singing, “Ground control to Major Tom,” it is a song about letting go…. Clearly, I am ground control and she is Major Tom,
“Ground Control to Major Tom
And may God’s love be with you”
I believe he came into my dream to let me know everything is as it should be, even when someone appears to be suffering it is only part of the journey back to Home, where ultimately and eternally we are safe and whole. God’s LOVE is always with us, we live and die (return) in the heart of God. God’s Love is always with us because we are always One.